Sunday, January 28, 2007

What Class is Jesus?

As I was in church today, we read a certain scripture that caused me to wonder.... if Jesus was in World of Warcraft, what class would he be? Let me refer you to the scripture that was read today:
Luke 4: 29 - 30 (I'll quote from the NIV, since that is what is sitting in front of me) "They got up, drove him [Jesus] out of the town, and took him to the brow of the hill on which the town was built in order to throw him down the cliff. But he walked right through the crowd and went on his way." Now, obviously, here Jesus is displaying either the Rogue talent - Vanish, or the high Mage level talent - Invisibility, because he is able to basically disengage himself from combat and reduce the aggro of the mobs surrounding him to zero, resetting them to their place. However, Jesus cannot be limited to just these two classes, because we hear often of the stories of his healings, and neither Rogues nor Mages can heal very well, unless they are using bandages. And for that reason, I will now break it down into paragraphs for each class and make a case. Then we can decide once and for all what World of Warcraft class Jesus is (because I know you all have been wondering).
Mage - Well, as mentioned above, if Jesus were to be a mage, he would have to be at least level 68, to be able to learn Invisibility. Mages are also a cloth-wearing class, and we know that Jesus wore a cloth robe (more than likely with +intellect and +spirit), but his sandals were more than likely leather which could pose a problem here. Although, he could just wear some cloth ones and make do. Also, the Arcane Intellect and Arcane Brilliance spells that grant a boost in Intellect on party members is likely one of Jesus' favorite, since he tried to use it often on his disciples to get them to understand his parables. One COULD argue that Jesus used Blink to get away from the mob back in Galilee, but I find that argument faulty, because Blink does not have an aggro reducing aspect to it. Another argument for Mages is the fact that Jesus was able to feed the five thousand, and since we all know that Mages are only good for conjuring food and water for their group, this is definitely a big plus. The only huge problem that Mages face in their campaign to claim Jesus as their own is the Resurrection. One could argue that Jesus had a Warlock in his party during the last days who gave him a Soulstone, that allowed him to Rez, but I find fault in that, because I think that Jesus' Resurrection was of his own accord, and therefore couldn't have been brought about by someone else (unless it was the Holy Spirit who cast it on him as Ben points out). Anyway, that's the case for Mages.
Shaman - Shammies, on the other hand, do have the ability to resurrect themselves, and they have the ability to heal as well, which gives it already two advantages over the above mentioned Mages. Plus, A Shammie can resurrect others, which gives them a major point in that it can explain the resurrection of Lazarus. Also, they can wear both cloth and leather (as well as chain, but I don't think Jesus wore any chain mail), so that gets his outfit rounded out easily. However, to my knowledge, I don't know of any talent or spell that Shammies have that could reduce the threat level of the mobs and allow Jesus to walk away unharmed in the story presented above. But, Shammies do have some sort of elemental control, which would help in the case of Jesus rebuking the winds and the waves. The only problems I can forsee with Shammies is the use of totems for some of their spells. As much as I have scoured the Gospels over the years, I have not found any mention to Jesus using a totem when healing any of the many people throughout his ministry. Although, it must be said that the totems are used for Healing over Time spells, and it is true that most of Jesus' heals were instant, there are a few that require time (as in the case of the blind man who had to wash himself in the pool of Siloam). The other problem with Shammies would have to be the fact that Jesus was a Human (ok, ok, half God, half Man, but for all intents and purposes, his race was clearly Human in form), and the Shaman class is not available for Humans, but I think this to be a minor flaw in the argument, because Jesus can pick whatever class he wants.
Warlock - Now before you get all uppity on me for even mentioning that Jesus could have been a Lock, I advise that you remember that this is all written in humor, and if you can't handle it, please navigate to a safer website like www.family.org and have fun on your own. The case for Locks, in my opinion is a flimsy one anyway. The only thing that they have going for them is the Soulstone, which Jesus could have cast on himself, that and the fact that it is a cloth class just like Mages. Aside from this, there seems to be nothing else going for it, since it is not a healing class (at least not one that doesn't require afflicting pain to others in order to heal). If I am missing anything here, please make sure to let me know in the comments section below, because I think I'm going to have to end here.
Druid - I would have to say that Jesus would be a Resto Druid, due to all the Healing abilities mentioned earlier. Jesus would not use the shapeshifting abilities, because it would have been unnecessary to his goals. The only major hurdle for Druids is similar to that of Shammies and is therefore thrown out - the fact that Humans cannot pick this class. Sad to say, but I can't think of anything that would separate Druids from Shammies in this battle, and since Shammies also have the elemental control, I think it does give them the slight edge (even over the nature abilities of Druids, which could explain the withering of the fig tree, but I find that to be minor, since most classes could easily cause enough damage to the tree to cause it to wilt).
Paladin - He would definitely be a Holy specced Pally, but there is little here to support this class above the other healing classes (which brings a tear to my eye, as this is my home class). The one thing that can be said here is the Blessings that Pallies can bestow upon others. The Blessings of Wisdom, Light, and Salvation come to mind first off, for the obvious reasons. Sadly, I cannot think of any other reasons to support this class as Jesus'.
Priest - A Holy specced Priest on the other hand, brings us into one of the most famous of all Jesus' miracles - the ability to walk on water. A Priest-only spell, this is a huge argument for this class. This added to the Healing abilities (all mentioned in the Shammy paragraph), gives the Priest a big run for the top. Plus, the Prayers that can be given to party members and to the Priest himself gives it one more big push as it is mentioned multiple times throughout the Gospels of Jesus' love to pray. However, when we look back to the story that brought up this whole subject, I can't find a talent/spell that takes a Priest out of combat and allows them to walk unnoticed through mobs.... although they do have Divine Shield, this wouldn't allow them to go unnoticed.
Rogue - Definitely a Subtlety specced Rogue. Jesus has the ability to Shadowstep behind everyone mentally in all of his parables in order to get the jump on them so that they never really know where he is going to be next. Added to this the leather wearing, and the aforementioned Vanish ability gives Rogues a pretty strong run for Jesus.... However, the inability to recreate any of the healings without the use of bandages does bring a big detraction to the class.
Warrior - Aside from the Protection aspect of Wars, I can't really find much to give them a good run for Jesus. Am I missing anything?
Hunter - Same with Wars, I only find the affinity to nature an aspect that could bring any validity to a Hunter's run.
And there you have it. Am I missing anything for any of the classes? Seeing as how I've only really played a Pally, Rogue and Mage, I probably am missing a lot of talents or spells from each class, so feel free to add anything to the comments section and I can update as information comes in.
For those of you who have been waiting for a real blog to come in, sorry. Christmas was a good time spent with both Katie and my families and we got to go to Medieval Times, which was SPECTACULAR! Then, we came back home, and went back to work, and nothing happened until Burning Crusade came out, and since then I have been spending what time I can on the wonderful grind to lvl 70 (currently 2 bars from 66). Anyway, I thought about doing another few top ten lists of 06, but I haven't really decided yet. If you want to see those, just let me know and I'll get to work on it. Anyhoo, that's all I've got. Godspeed.