Bringing back memories

I have decided that it's time for the Disney cartoon series of my youth to be remade as feature films, just like Transformers and the upcoming G.I. Joe and Voltron. I also know that the best way for these to make a crap-ton of money is to make them a hard R and rip off previously successful movies, and for that reason all of these will sound familiar and cheezy (but that is the point). So hold on to your hats for the upcoming amazing releases of:
Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers-
The tone is turned down into a gritty crime drama. Monty is found dead from some poisoned swiss. Zipper is the only witness, but before Chip and Dale get a chance to talk to him, he is found hanging from the rafters. As Fat Cat is the only other obvious suspect, the duo (with random appearances by Gadget) chases him down, only to find him absolved of the crime, he claims that all his dastardly deeds were just a game of "cat and mouse" with them. As the plot continues to twist and turn, more and more characters wind up dead, and the big reveal at the end is that Dale did it all (did you not see that coming? I mean just look at his shirt, it totally screams homicidal maniac). The film ends with Chip bringing his cackling partner (or are they brothers too? I never know) to justice and walks away with Gadget, hoping for a brighter future.
Gummi Bears-
A full on epic on the scale of the LotR trilogy. The bears have been forced out of their forest home by an incoming invasion of the ogres, led by the evil Duke Igthorn. In turn, they are forced to recruit an army of mismatched animals and humans to fight back. Mixed in with the amazing epic battles, the movie takes a hard turn and addresses the bears' addiction to gummi juice, as they go through withdrawals (since they lack the ingredients to fuel their drug-based battle lust) they are forced into learning to battle sober. When Grammi Bear dies from lack of juice (her addiction was so powerful), they begin the huge climactic battle, complete with cavalry and dragons. Of course they win the battle and save the forest and return to their drug-filled lives.
TaleSpin-
Taking a page from Han Solo and Malcolm Reynolds, Baloo is turned into a gruff and charming smuggler. Set during WW2 (as it seemed to be anyway), the Air Pirates are now Nazis, and Baloo and Kit are sent on a job to deliver secret plans to Allied men behind enemy lines. Halfway through the movie, on their way to the drop point, the Sea Duck is shot down, and Baloo is forced to leave a crippled Kit at and an ally-friendly farm house and deliver the plans alone and to exact extreme revenge. Fighting his way through scores of Nazis (funny side note, my notes for this blog read scores of Zombies, I guess zombies and Nazis are interchangable), armed only with his trusty pistol and cunning, he delivers the plans and helps the Allied forces to destroy a plant that produces Super Nazis. At the climax, Baloo gets into a gruesome and yet incredibly awesome and violent knife fight with one of the final Super Nazis, only to have it end with Baloo jamming his knife upwards through the Nazi's jaw into its brain and saying something really witty. The movie ends with and obvious allusion to a sequel as a Super Nazi rises from the ashes of the burned plant and begins to walk towards the camera (this might even happen in the middle of the credits for extra surprise-ness).
Darkwing Duck-
(I had the hardest time trying to figure out how to do this one). But about 20 minutes into the movie, Darkwing gets imprisoned for his vigilantism after being revealed by super-cop GizmoDuck. While there, a la Rorschach in Watchmen, all his previous foes do their best to return the pain that Darkwing so lovingly dished out to them, only to be thwarted again and again by his genius. Years pass and harden Darkwing into a bitter duck (told in a montage, of course), when Launchpad McQuack, who has been working with lawyers on an insanity angle, finally gets a break and gets Darkwing released into his care. Once out, they plot against GizmoDuck (who we learn to be a corrupt cop at the top of the local mob organization) and the rest of the movie is Darkwing creating a new costume and hitting Gizmo where it hurts, ending with a huge showdown on the roof of Gizmo's penthouse in the driving rain. The final scene is Gizmo lying in a pool of his own blood and oil, having been impaled on a beach chair, and Darkwing walking off into the night, leaving a trail of evidence for the cops to put Gizmo behind bars for a good long time.
DuckTales (whooo!, sorry, couldn't resist)-
Even though they've already had one amazing movie - The Treasure of the Lost Lamp (no seriously, it was really good - even though I haven't seen it in years), which almost put them out of this blog, I decided against it, since I got a really good idea for their movie - yes, you are correct, a heist flick (just like the remade Ocean's 11 and Italian Job). The plot is that Srooge's money have been lost through a phony legal suit with Flintheart Glomgold and he and the McDuck family is forced into poverty. However, under the tech guidance of Huey, Dewey, and Louie and the sexy charm of Webby, they are able to crack Flintheart's uncrackable security system and safe, and just when you think everything is going wrong with the plan it turns out that all the "missteps" we see are really part of the plan and Scrooge walks off with this money intact and the movie ends with the greedy bastard swimming back through his gold coins.

Yeah, I know that it's not that good, but it felt good to write it, I hope you enjoyed it.
Godspeed