Today at work, I had a job shadow from a local high school. To be honest, I've been dreading it all week. I didn't really know how it was going to go and I wasn't sure what exactly we would do at work all day to keep him interested and busy, but everything went smoothly and I think he had a good time.
This guy who came to work with me is getting ready to go to college in a year, and he's pretty sure of what he wants to do with his life. It made me a bit jealous.
I thought I knew what I wanted to do when I was his age, but really I was just fooling myself and was just going with what I thought would be cool (a youth pastor). It turned out that I'm not exactly all that fond of teens... particularly those in a typical youth group. It's just not my cup of tea. So once I got past that, I realized I had no plan.
I've now been out of college for nearly 4 years and am getting ready to go to seminary. The current plan is to get a degree to teach on the collegiate level, but even now I'm not sure what is right. I know that there is somewhere that God is intending for me to end up. I also know that right now it feels right to be going back to school. So how come I don't feel all that excited.
(Stupid analogy time): Maybe it's because having a job shadow was really just like seeing a shadow of my former self. Maybe it was seeing his enthusiasm and how much I've lost that affected me.
I ride a lot of waves of enthusiasm. One minute I've got a great idea for a book or documentary and the next I'm back to work and trying to figure out where to go. Perhaps this moving forward into school will restore something and help me to find some sort of purpose (well purpose isn't quite the word, but close enough).
This guy who came to work with me is getting ready to go to college in a year, and he's pretty sure of what he wants to do with his life. It made me a bit jealous.
I thought I knew what I wanted to do when I was his age, but really I was just fooling myself and was just going with what I thought would be cool (a youth pastor). It turned out that I'm not exactly all that fond of teens... particularly those in a typical youth group. It's just not my cup of tea. So once I got past that, I realized I had no plan.
I've now been out of college for nearly 4 years and am getting ready to go to seminary. The current plan is to get a degree to teach on the collegiate level, but even now I'm not sure what is right. I know that there is somewhere that God is intending for me to end up. I also know that right now it feels right to be going back to school. So how come I don't feel all that excited.
(Stupid analogy time): Maybe it's because having a job shadow was really just like seeing a shadow of my former self. Maybe it was seeing his enthusiasm and how much I've lost that affected me.
I ride a lot of waves of enthusiasm. One minute I've got a great idea for a book or documentary and the next I'm back to work and trying to figure out where to go. Perhaps this moving forward into school will restore something and help me to find some sort of purpose (well purpose isn't quite the word, but close enough).
2 comments:
good post.
I appreciate your honesty and transparency. I think we seldom get e-mails from God, or sky writing clarity. Usually it seems to be one step at a time. You are trememdously gifted and as these gifts are honed, they will lead you to the place where "your greatest gifts meet the world's greatest need" (my favorite defintion of calling).
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